Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
