Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
