I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
