Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
