It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
