It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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