I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
