Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
