tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
