I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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