Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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