After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
