capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
When did angry sex become our thing?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
