You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
