you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
