Your dad touched me again.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
did i just pee glitter
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
