Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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