Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
