I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
