Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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