you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
