I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
