I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
