She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
