im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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