i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
