wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I am naked and annoyed.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
