Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
