I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
the night ended with taco bell and tears
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Randomize
