last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
