Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
