I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
