i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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