there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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