Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
