I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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