I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
