Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
