I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
