I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
