escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
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