Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
