At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
What a dumb baby whore.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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