Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
