I accidentally burped into my bong.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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