After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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