Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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