What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
