he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
