I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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