i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
how drunk are you?
Several
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
